Birdy Funnies
A BURGLAR has just made it into the house he's intending to ransack, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up "I can see you, and so can Princess!" Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No-one there at all, so he goes back to his business. "I can see you, and so can Princess!" The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a budgie, who pipes up again "I can see you, and so can Princess!"
"So what", says the burglar, "You're only a budgie!"
To which the budgie replies "Maybe, but Princess is a Rottweiler!"
TWO GUYS walk into a pet store and say "We'd like four budgies, please."
"Certainly," answers the salesman,"Would you like two males and two females, or four males, or four females?"
They reply, "We don't care, just give us four budgies, Al right!?"
So the salesman puts 4 budgies in a box and the men carry them out of the pet store. They drive to a tall, steep, cliff. The first guy pulls two budgies out of the box and holds one in each hand. He walks to the edge of the cliff and jumps off. His friend watches him fall down as he reaches the bottom and splatters on the rocks below. "Gee," he says, "this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be."
A SAILOR, who owns a parrot, decided it would be funny to teach his female Macaw to say "I'm a whore!" Soon he runs into some financial difficulties and has to sell the bird. The woman who buys the bird does not think that its habit is very funny and gets very distressed. In despair she goes to a bird store keeper for help. He tells her that it is almost impossible to 'cure' such a habit but he has an idea. It turns out that two male parrots that belonged to a priest were boarding with the shopkeeper. They had learned numerous prayers from their owner and recited them frequently. The man thought that if put in with the two pious birds, the woman's parrot might drop the bad habit. It was decided and the female parrot should spend some time with the priest's macaws.
As soon she was put in with the two macaws she instantly recited "I'm a whore. I'm a whore."
Then one of the male macaws turned to the other and said "Glory be charley, are prayers have been answered."
A MAN and his 'keet went into a bar. The man went up to the bar tender and asked for a drink. He then began to brag about what a wonderful talker his budgie was.
"That's BS," said the Bartender, "birds can't talk!"
"Yes they can. Mr. Keets her talks all the time!"
"Fine, If your bird can talk then I'll give you a free drink." Said the bartender.
"Ok," said the man. "What is candy?"
"Tweet." replied the bird.
"What do crows say?" Asked the man.
"Squawk!"
"What are you trying to pull?" asked the bartender and he threw them out.
The man and his bird got up. "Why did he throw us out?" asked the budgie.
A CRUISE ship had a magician who preformed every night. Because he preformed the same tricks each time the captians parrot soon learned how each trick was done. The parrot would say, in the middle of the magicians acts, "There's another bunny in that hat," "look under that box," and so on. The parrot was ruining all of the tricks that the magician did and so the migicitions hated the bird. One day the ship met with an unfortunate accident and it sunk. The only two survivors where the migicians and the parrot, hanging onto a piece of wood. For days the two stared at each other disdainfully, but said nothing. Finally the bird turned to the mission and said "Al right I give up, where's the boat?"